Struggling with 'Decreasing'

For while we were living in the flesh, our sinful passions, aroused by the law, were at work in our members to bear fruit for death. But now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit and not in the old way of the written code. -Romans 7:5-6 

He must increase, but I must decrease. -John 3:30

I have a hard time balancing humility with insecurity. I love bragging about how awful of a person I am, and how I do not deserve God's grace. I love telling people how I am a liar, a manipulator, and clouded with vanity.

Yet, there is danger in decreasing yourself too much. I end up decreasing myself so much that I identify myself as the woman before God intervened in my life. I'm not gonna lie, that person sucked.

But after God saved me from my old self, I'm technically a new person.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9 

Imagine bathing yourself for the first time in twenty years. Instead being known as dirty or disgusting, you are now free from those identities. The stench, the dirt, and stains are washed away. Therefore it's strange if you still acted as if you were dirty. Imagine the weird looks on people's faces if you chanted, "I'm disgusting and I smell bad", immediately after you took your first shower. The people who heard you may think, 'Didn't he/she just take a shower? How is he/she still dirty?'. 

Identify yourself as the new, clean person.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba Father!". -Romans 8:14-15

Since we're cleansed from sin, we try to stay clean. Just because you cleaned yourself from all impurities, it doesn't mean that dirt will never build up again. Dirt still creeps up and tries to take over our lives.

Be sober.minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking for someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. -1 Peter 5:8-9

But now that you know how to clean yourself, you'll never be as dirty as before your first shower. God cleanses us with living water that prevents sin from taking over our lives. The more you enjoy feeling clean, the more you enjoy the source of your cleanliness. God is the source of cleanliness; he is living water.

And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. -Revelation 21:6

If we know that we receive living water for the rest of our lives, why do we still brag about how dirty we are?

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you perceive it? -Isaiah 43:18-19

Although God forgave me for my previous sin, I don't think I forgave myself. Even if I've washed myself several times in his living water, I allow dirt to cling on. I need to forgive myself and break the bondage of my guilt.

I identify more with the small patches of dirt than the rest of my clean body. I can say that I'm being humble or whatever, but that's only an excuse.

By only identifying with 'patch of dirt', I do not acknowledge God's transformation in me. It is honestly because I doubt that God can actually change me.

Ah Lord God! It is you who made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. -Jeremiah 32:17

He can do whatever he wants, however he wants. I'm preventing God from transforming me, and I need to stop myself. God's plan for me is greater than my plan for myself, so I have to let go of my dirt and let God grow more in me.

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." -Matthew 19:26 

Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told. -Habakkuk 1:5