Love and Leadership

Abram and Sarai. What a couple...

Before the passage below, God promises Abram a son. The quantity of Abram's offspring will equate the amount of stars in the sky. Abram was seventy-five years old when God made that covenant with him. 

I read this passage a few times and laughed hysterically. Although this situation happened years ago, we never really grew out of this.

Genesis 16:1-6
Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. And Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the Lord judge between you and me!” But Abram said to Sarai, “Behold, your servant is in your power; do to her as you please.” Then Sarai dealt harshly with her, and she fled from her. 

Ten years after God’s promise to Abram, Sarai is still barren. She’s pretty frustrated and it’s honestly understandable. Her impatience caused her to do this:

"And Sarai said to Abram, 'Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go into my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.'" 

-Genesis 16:2

At first, I thought that she was crazy. The request is clearly a dumb idea! But I realized that I made that view out of ignorance and disregarded any of her emotions.

Scripture doesn't talk about Sarai's feelings in this passage. But if you think about it, she must have been in great pain to ask Abram to do this. If anything, Sarai’s request was out of desperation, discouragement, depression, and frustration. She wasn't thinking straight. Sarai wanted Abram’s son so badly that she encouraged her husband to commit adultery with her Egyptian slave, Hagar.

Abram is the head of the house and is responsible for leading his wife. Because Abram is righteous before God, he should lead his wife towards righteousness. Sarai should therefore obey Abram. Brothers, just because a girl seems to makes sense, it doesn’t mean that it’s right. Even if sleeping with another attractive-younger-woman-that’s-not-your-wife sounds ‘right’, please help your sisters discern what’s right before God’s eyes.

I guess that's a lot of pressure on guys...

If I were Sarai at this moment, I’d blame and beat myself up. Although I did everything I can, I can’t give you God’s promise. By the time I asked you to sleep with another woman, I’m desperate. I love you enough to allow you to receive what God promised you. Even if I'm not part of it. You may be equally desperate to receive God’s promise. We may feel the same amount of pain. But you are called to lead me and you need to help me see what pleases God. Therefore you have to see past both of our emotions and lead us to God’s path.

But that didn’t happen. Abram may have been as misguided as Sarai. He obeyed Sarai and slept with the Egyptian slave, Hagar. In those days, it was common for the head wife to give a slave wife to her husband. But just because society accepts something, it doesn’t imply that God accepts it—God still condemns adultery. I shouldn't bash Abram too hard. No one is perfect, which is why we need to keep each other accountable. 

After they slept together, Hagar was pregnant. Hagar became the mother of Abram’s firstborn. When she found out about this, she dishonored her mistress.

Sarai confronts Abram about Hagar’s mistreatment.

"May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the Lord judge between you and me!" 

-Genesis 15:5

He knows that Sarai is angry and jealous at Hagar. There were many ways he could have taken initiative! He could at least calm down his wife. He could defend Sarai against the slave. He could resolve the tension between the both of them. He could punish the slave himself. He could defend himself against Sarai and establish his household status. 

But no. This is exactly how Abram responds:

“Behold, your servant is in your power; do to her as you please.” 

-Genesis 15:6

Abram didn’t take anything into account: Sarai’s anger, Hagar’s dishonor, or the fact that he’s the head of the house. He doesn’t take initiative and appoints the responsibility to Sarai. She was already not thinking straight. He allowed Sarai to brutalize the mother of his firstborn.

“Then Sarai dealt harshly with [Hagar], and [Hagar] fled from her." 

-Genesis 15:6 

I’d assume that Sarai’s harsh treatment to Hagar was pretty rough. It’s rough enough to cause Hagar to run away from her mistress.

Brothers, I get it; girls are pretty intimidating. If anything, Sarai’s emotions are intimidating. Our emotions manifest into something irrational, ugly, and unrecognizable. We’re so scary that we’re unable to recognize ourselves in the mirror. Believe it or not, these emotions stem from the same fears and insecurities that you face.

Please don’t be intimidated by our emotions. 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  

-Joshua 1:9 

Look past our emotions and crazy requests, so you can see our pain. Help us discern what’s sinful or what’s God-honoring. 


That's a lot of pressure on guys and it seems as if I'm making a huge generalization. It's okay, we know you're not perfect either and that you also have emotions. Everyone sins.
Likewise, us sisters will do the same. We'll do what we can to point you to God's direction.

"Man who is born of a woman is of a few days and full of trouble."  

-Job 14:1 

HAHAHA...