The Sovereignty of Exercise

Most people know me as a fitness/health freak. The truth is, I really am not. I love unhealthy food and I love slumber. But when I do eat healthy or workout, I'm very public about it. Thus, people perceive me as that.

I honestly haven't worked out hard since I left Los Angeles.

Today on Instagram, I saw that Cassey Ho from Blogilates launched her workout routine for April. It's called #AprilAbs. I need abs. I saved up my money to buy a pole and I lost all of my abdominal and arm strength. In order to make my money's worth of the pole, I need to develop muscle all over again. Pole is my fitness motivation.

So I decided that Blogilates would be a good idea to ease my way into a regular workout routine. Five workouts were assigned today. I completed 4 out of the 5 workouts. It was awful. I felt light-headed, I couldn't complete the workout, and I almost threw up. There was no way that I can do the last video.

Then immediately after, I plugged in my new stretching DVD. I sweated the entire time and screamed at the TV screen. I said mean things to the instructor such as "I HATE YOU!", "YOU'RE A FREAK!", and "AHHH YOU'RE KILLING ME!".



ANYWAY....

Then I was reminded of grapes in a vineyard. The grapes that make the best fruit for wine have thick skin, less juice, and large seeds. In order for the grapes to get that way, the roots have to suffer. They work extremely hard to build a foundation for themselves, find moisture, and not get dried out by the sun. The best grapes come from vines that work the hardest.

In other words, I have to suffer because it brings good.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us into shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. -Romans 5:3-5 

This is more satirical than serious...like, it's more of a joke than a devo...

Prawns as big as your head!!

Gotta Catch Them All

I have this little 3x5 spiral bound notebook that's full of memory verses. If someone ever comes up to me and asks me about it, this is what I'm going to say:

Have you ever played Pokemon when you were younger? You tried to catch all the good Pokemon so you can fight your enemies. In order to fight The Enemy, I 'gotta catch them all' and be strong enough to fight back.

My Blog Writing Process

This blog is my happy place. Whenever I write something, I imagine talking to my friends in Los Angeles. Even though they’re not physically in front of me I hear them laugh and converse with me.

I guess that writing blog posts are my way of coping with the difficulties at home. I hoped that home would be calm and peaceful. It would be easier to recover from health issues. But if I were to be extremely honest, it’s everything but that.

UCLA was my escape from home, but I don’t physically have that anymore. God temporarily took that away from me. But God never took away my friends and the memories I share with them. They still live in me and make me happy.

But again, I don’t physically have them anymore. Something else fulfills my happiness: my happiest moments are when I read the bible. God humors, encourages, and comforts me in ways that I cannot comprehend.

How do words on a page replace the intimacy I had with my LA friends?

Whenever I learn something fascinating from God, I get really excited! My mind just explodes and I praise him. I pace back and forth and I preach the blog post several times in my head. I imagine being behind a podium and proclaiming God’s glory. My friends are listening to me, laughing with me, and are in awe of God.

After speaking to my imaginary podium, I write down my message and publish it.

Struggling with 'Decreasing'

For while we were living in the flesh, our sinful passions, aroused by the law, were at work in our members to bear fruit for death. But now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit and not in the old way of the written code. -Romans 7:5-6 

He must increase, but I must decrease. -John 3:30

I have a hard time balancing humility with insecurity. I love bragging about how awful of a person I am, and how I do not deserve God's grace. I love telling people how I am a liar, a manipulator, and clouded with vanity.

Yet, there is danger in decreasing yourself too much. I end up decreasing myself so much that I identify myself as the woman before God intervened in my life. I'm not gonna lie, that person sucked.

But after God saved me from my old self, I'm technically a new person.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. -1 John 1:9 

Imagine bathing yourself for the first time in twenty years. Instead being known as dirty or disgusting, you are now free from those identities. The stench, the dirt, and stains are washed away. Therefore it's strange if you still acted as if you were dirty. Imagine the weird looks on people's faces if you chanted, "I'm disgusting and I smell bad", immediately after you took your first shower. The people who heard you may think, 'Didn't he/she just take a shower? How is he/she still dirty?'. 

Identify yourself as the new, clean person.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba Father!". -Romans 8:14-15

Since we're cleansed from sin, we try to stay clean. Just because you cleaned yourself from all impurities, it doesn't mean that dirt will never build up again. Dirt still creeps up and tries to take over our lives.

Be sober.minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking for someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. -1 Peter 5:8-9

But now that you know how to clean yourself, you'll never be as dirty as before your first shower. God cleanses us with living water that prevents sin from taking over our lives. The more you enjoy feeling clean, the more you enjoy the source of your cleanliness. God is the source of cleanliness; he is living water.

And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. -Revelation 21:6

If we know that we receive living water for the rest of our lives, why do we still brag about how dirty we are?

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you perceive it? -Isaiah 43:18-19

Although God forgave me for my previous sin, I don't think I forgave myself. Even if I've washed myself several times in his living water, I allow dirt to cling on. I need to forgive myself and break the bondage of my guilt.

I identify more with the small patches of dirt than the rest of my clean body. I can say that I'm being humble or whatever, but that's only an excuse.

By only identifying with 'patch of dirt', I do not acknowledge God's transformation in me. It is honestly because I doubt that God can actually change me.

Ah Lord God! It is you who made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. -Jeremiah 32:17

He can do whatever he wants, however he wants. I'm preventing God from transforming me, and I need to stop myself. God's plan for me is greater than my plan for myself, so I have to let go of my dirt and let God grow more in me.

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." -Matthew 19:26 

Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told. -Habakkuk 1:5 

"Best Quality"

My father had some clients over and asked me to come say hi. I did. My loud Asian mom asked the group, "Does anyone have any internship opportunities for my daughter?!! She's blah blah blah blah blahhh.."

I was mortified, but she wouldn't shut up.

Finally, one of the women said, "OKAY MOM, stop talking. Let her talk! Taylor, tell us about yourself! What's your best quality?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," my eyes were wide and looked down, "I...love...Jesus. Apart from that, uhh yeah...there is nothing good about me."

Everyone was confused, but some of them laughed.

I looked up and said, "Okay thanks bye." And I ran out the door.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

-Galatians 1:10 

I'm a Gobstopper

My small group assigned me the question, "How do you think God views you?" This was my answer:

God thinks of me as a Gobstopper.

It takes forever to see the real me because I cover it up with a ton of layers.

 



By the time he gets to the center of the Gobstopper, God goes, "Taylor, why do you cover your center with so many layers? The center is the best part!!"

(I think the center of a Gobstopper tastes better than its layers)

 

God doesn't care about how I project myself to others. He only cares about true inner beauty.

Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear--but let your adorning be the hidden person if the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

-1 Peter 3:3-4 



Homey for the Homies

Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."

-John 14:23 

God and Jesus is going to make their home in me? So exciting!

 

However, that's a lot of people for one body: Myself, Jesus and God.

 

I better increase the size of my body to fit us all...

 

That's a fantastic excuse to get super fat!

 

Gotta make it homey for my homies!!!

Women are not Cars

So a lot of guys justify sex before marriage because "you never buy a car without test-driving it".

Contrary to popular belief, WOMEN ARE NOT CARS!!!!

No one test drives us or even has the right to open our doors! Who gave you permission to sit in our front seat or gave you our keys to turn on our engine? NO ONE!

Women are people! We feel pain, happiness, sadness, and fears. Our souls are precious to God. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Father in Heaven.

If you want to take us on a little spin, ask the Big Man. Warning though. He really loves us..

For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. 

-Deuteronomy 7:6  

You heard that? We're his treasures! He protects his treasure from intruders.

Who still wants to test drive?

That's what I thought...RUN AWAY!

Throw it Away

We are either slaves of sin or slaves of Christ. Yet not only do we chose to be sinful, we are sinners at birth.

Man who is born of a woman is of few days and full of trouble.

-Job 14:1

Therefore, we were born as slaves to sin. Technically, nothing in this world can free you from this bondage; not even your own heart.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

-Jeremiah 17:9

If it weren't for God's intervention in our lives, we're still be slaves to sin. Yet since he sent his son to die on the cross for our sins, we are free from sin's bondage.

Slaves to Righteousness  

What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.  

For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

-Romans 6:15-23 ESV

So with that knowledge, I've been trying really hard to fight off my sin. Whenever I'm bored, I read my Bible. Whenever, I'm depressed, I pray and read my Bible. I do NOT want to be a slave to sin!

I've been struggling with a particular sin for a while. Even though I prayed for forgiveness and God forgave me, I never forgave myself. I'd beat up the thoughts in my head, thinking that I'm fighting sin. But I wasn't fighting it. In fact, I was letting it consume my energy and control my thoughts. It was so powerful that I grew helpless against it and I gave up. I never talked about it much because I was ashamed about it. I thought about fighting it on my own with the armor of God.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.

-Ephesians 6:10-18 

Then last night, my family friend offered me two glasses of wine and three splashes of amazing scotch...

And all of a sudden, my armor just came off. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, which I believe is the armor of God; inhibitions stop you from sinning. As a result, I drunk-texted my friend about my sin and I didn't hold anything back. I let the full extent of my sin take over our conversation. She was so sweet and supportive, and she had no idea that I was affected by alcohol.

It's really easy to talk to yourself; thoughts just keep popping up and runs like wildfire. Yet it's really hard to listen to yourself; if you actually listened to yourself, you would be disgusted with most of the thoughts in your head.

This morning, I was hungover. I looked at my phone and read the texts that I sent to my friend. Even though she thought that it was just girl talk, I read these texts and was disgusted. I saw how ugly, wicked, and manipulative this sin was. If I thought that this sin was ugly, God thought it was horrendous.

The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart were only evil continually. And the Lord regretted that he made man on earth and it grieved him to his heart.

-Genesis 6:5-6

The verse above was written right before the flood..

God was sad when he had to wipe off his creations from the face of the earth. Sin makes God sad. The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). God is not be just if he doesn't punish sinners.

And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.

-Matthew 5:30

Pretend that you had a large butcher knife in your left hand. With one motion, you swing it onto your other wrist and chop off your right hand. Although blood is gushing, you're in pain, and you're weak, you use your non-dominant hand to throw the right hand far away from you.

That is what you have to do with your sin. Expose it, cut it off, and throw it away. So far I exposed it and cut it off, but it's still creeping around next to me. I keep chanting in my head, throw it away, throw it away, throw it away.

or...haha

Walk on Water

I told my friend to read the "Get Out of Your Box" post. Although she enjoyed it, she wondered how to get out of her box and see God's ultimate plan for her.

Since I'm technically still trapped in my own box, I didn't know how to answer at first.

But then I remembered a common Bible story from Sunday school:

Jesus Walks on the Water 

²² Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. ²³ And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, ²⁴ but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. ²⁵ And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. ²⁶ But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. ²⁷ But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”²⁸ And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” ²⁹ He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” ³¹ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” ³² And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. ³³ And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” 

-Matthew 14:22-33

What normally happens when you put your feet in the middle of a river? You sink right? Walking on water is humanly impossible, it is unsafe, and it is illogical. But Peter pushed those factors aside and obeyed Jesus’ command. He has to trust that Jesus will hold him above the waters with an invisible, supernatural force. That took an incomprehensible amount of faith.

Why do we love dwelling in our little safety box? It’s cozy and familiar to our eyes. However, this box is false security and it imprisons us. The coziness and familiarity stops you from moving forward in your walk with God. You have to push out of all binding factors to get out of your box and obey Jesus. Escaping your little box is more difficult than what we give credit for. Like walking on water, it seems unsafe, impossible, and illogical.

But so is God’s grace. It seems illogical, impossible, and unsafe for God to trust a sinner like me. Yet for some reason, his love for us surpasses all human comprehension.

See what kind of love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him 

-1 John 3:1

Take a leap of faith and get out of your box. With faith, he’ll use you in mysterious, glorifying ways!