Saved from the Storm

Jesus speaks to me in countless ways. One of which is story-telling. He knows how much I love the story about Peter walking on the water. Although I don't want to sound too charismatic, Jesus shared this moment with me the other night.

I was the only person in a ship during a storm. The rain poured heavily and the waves weighed down the ship. No matter how much I attempted to bail the water out of the ship, steer the ship away from the waves, I couldn't do it anymore. I sat in the middle of my ship and I cried. 

In the midst of all the chaos, Jesus approaches me. He glides over the water as if the storm did not exist. He calmly walks in the water. He approaches me to the edge of the ship and holds out his hand. "Taylor, leave this ship and follow me." I was so tired. Even reaching back to grab his hand seemed too burdensome. 

"No it's too hard."

"You're right," he replied, "it's too hard to do this on your own. You cannot survive this storm on your own. You need me and you know it. It is up to you to leap out of this boat and follow me. Take a leap of faith."

He was right. I couldn't do this on my own. I wish I said that I jumped out of the ship as an act of faith. It wasn't though. Honestly, it was an act of suicide because I couldn't do this anymore. I wanted to drown in my failures and never feel again. 

I jumped and anticipated a large splash. The water should have overtaken and suffocated me. The water should have been so cold that my nerves overreact and kill me. I expected death. 

I also expected gravity. The earth's core should have pulled me down until I hit the bottom of the ocean. 

But NO. This rude magnet called "grace" pulled me before my body touched the water. Now imagine me planking two feet above the water and wildly confused. I'm even more furious because not only did I fail at surviving this storm, I failed at killing myself. In this planking position, I see Jesus' feet in front of me. Instead of looking up, I screamed at him and asked, "WHY DO YOU WANT TO FURTHER HUMILIATE ME? LET ME DIE AND LET ME GO!!"

I kicked and screamed for three days in this planking position. Eventually I calmed down and was reminded of Jonah's prayer in the belly of a whale.

Jonah 2:3-9 

Then I said, ‘I am driven away from your sight; yet I shall again lookupon your holy temple.’The waters closed in over me to take my life;the deep surrounded me;weeds were wrapped about my headat the roots of the mountains.I went down to the landwhose bars closed upon me forever;yet you brought up my life from the pit,O Lord my God.When my life was fainting away,I remembered the Lord,and my prayer came to you,into your holy temple.Those who pay regard to vain idolsforsake their hope of steadfast love.But I with the voice of thanksgivingwill sacrifice to you;what I have vowed I will pay.Salvation belongs to the Lord!” 

The planking position turned into fetal position. I wept because I was so ashamed of my attitude towards Jesus.

"So...you know that this magnet, holding you above the ocean waves and keeping you dry, came at a cost, right Taylor? I had to die to make it work."

"Yes Lord." I wept. "I am so sorry. I don't want your death to be in vain."

"Then take my hand and follow me."

I lifted my eyes up to him and my feet followed. When I finally stood up, I gave him my hand and my full gaze. He was so beautiful. Although an enormous wave attempted crashing right over us, I barely noticed and I didn't care. I didn't pay attention to where my feet were because they were secured by his presence. 

He is the Father I always wanted, but never had. Actually Jesus always had me, but I never acknowledged it until I began walking with him in this storm.

And our journey continues...